On dreams

With Jon’s first day of school today, I couldn’t help but think about dreams. He’s had this one, of going back to school for engineering, for almost as long as I’ve known him. I remember him saying in his first year of law school that he’d made a mistake, but it was too late to turn back. (If only I could go back and shriek, “No! It’s not! Drop out of law school right now and get your engineering degree!” But alas.) I am very excited for him that it’s really beginning to come true.

Jon has always been a big dreamer. He has dreams of being a pilot, dreams of being an engineer…when he was a kid, he had dreams of being a paleontologist. Me, I’ve never been a huge dreamer. Lots of things make me really happy, but there’s no over-arching goal that drives me. I’ve always known I was meant to be a writer, but I’ve never had a specific dream tied to that objective.

In a way, I think I’m lucky. I’ll never be bitterly disappointed or deeply let down. I’m content, and I think that’s rarer than one would imagine. I enjoy my job and find fulfillment and growth in it each year, and I can see myself doing it for years to come.

Yet, in a way, I envy Jon his passions. Flying puts a light in his eyes that is really unique, and he is truly dedicated to going back for his engineering degree, spending hours upon hours for the last few months brushing up on math skills so he’d be ready. If I was more of a dreamer, I might be doing more with my writing. Maybe I’d even be published (beyond the newspaper articles and news releases I’ve written). I used to love writing children’s stories and I’ve had an idea or two for a young adult novel kick around in my head. But, the same contentment that I mostly prize can also be seen as a lack of drive, and I haven’t pursued any of those goals.

That begs a question: is it that I’m not a dreamer, or is it that I’m afraid of failure? When I really stop and think about it, I think it may be the latter. I do have dreams: a Mediterranean cruise and a two-week tour of Europe come to mind. I’d also love to have my byline appear in a magazine someday. Most of all, I want to lose weight and be pretty. (And healthy, obviously.) But I’m easily swayed away from them, whether because I think the money could be better spent or because I think there’s no real chance of something happening–so why try, only to be disappointed?

I am hoping that the Fittest Loser contest is a sign that my dreams will start to come true. But even if I am not accepted, I have to think about Jon’s example and be inspired. His dreams are coming true due to sacrifice and hard work, and mine can be accomplished if I am willing to do the same. And, this year, I really believe that I’m willing.

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About Kristen K

My life has always been pretty darn fantastic--except for one thing: my weight. Not too long ago, I tipped the scale at 283 pounds. I'd gain some, lose some and gain some right back, and I was so frustrated. When I saw a notice for a Biggest Loser-style contest in my local paper, I applied on the spot and I felt like I won the lottery when I found out I was one of the five contestants chosen. We worked out four times a week with trainers and followed a clean eating diet, and my life completely transformed. I've lost more than 60 pounds and I'm feeling confidence for the first time in my life. I'm 29 years old with a great husband, a rewarding job, two adorable dogs and fantastic friends. Weight loss continues to be a struggle now that the contest has ended, but this time I know that I can do it and I'm fully committed. This blog has seved as an accountability tool as I journey from a happy, but fat, person to a happy and confident person. And for the first time in my life, I'm no longer putting it off until tomorrow. This time, I'm starting this minute.
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2 Responses to On dreams

  1. Betsie says:

    A few things came to mind while I read this post. First, I think it’s so cool that Jon is going after what he wants like that, it’s very inspirational! Second, skinny does not in any way equal pretty. You’re a beautiful woman, inside and out, at ANY weight. Third, since you’ll have some extra alone time now that Jon’s in classes,
    maybe you should use some of it to write! You
    do have an amazing talent there and I definitely
    think you would have no problem achieving any
    dreams you have in that arena. 🙂

  2. Valerie says:

    I heartily agree with Betsy’s comments regarding the word “pretty” – you may have a few extra pounds, but you are still a very pretty lady.

    Secondly, if you are interested in writing a novel, I definitely recommend NaNoWriMo. The motivation of doing something like this in a nationwide group is the only thing that got me to write mine, and it was a really fun experience.

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