Don’t worry

I am a bit of a worrier. I’ve been meaning to write about this for awhile, but my friend Rachel’s blog reminded me of the topic–and made me glad I’m not alone.

I worry about how much I worry. I worry that my job will someday discover I’m terrible at what I do and fire me (despite the fact that I’ve only had good reviews and have been promoted a few times). I worry that I won’t be able to have kids. I worry that I WILL be able to have kids, but I’ll be a terrible parent. I worry that we’ll have kids and not be able to afford them. I worry that we’ll never be able to afford them in the first place. You get the idea.

This tendency to worry is on the unhealthy side. I find myself imaginging absolute worst case scenarios for situations to see if I’d be able to survive them. It’s really not a good thing.

I think this worry has contributed quite a bit to my weight issues. I worry that the weight loss will never happen. Now that I HAVE lost quite a bit of weight, I worry that it won’t stick. Then I worry that if it DOES stick, I won’t be able to hide behind my weight. In other words, say I applied for a job now. If I didn’t get it, I could blame my weight and say the hiring manager judged fat applicants. If I applied for a job thin and didn’t get it, it would mean something was wrong with my personality or my answers (not really: it would likely just mean there were a zillion candidates and I wasn’t the best one, but that is where my mind goes). Thinking this much is exhausting.

Long story short, I’m tired of worrying. Exercise seems to keep it at bay, so that and journaling are my plans for keeping it in check. Running and writing clear my head like nothing else, leaving only peace in their wake. So why don’t I do either of those things more often?

When I stop and think rationally, I recognize that there is no place for worrying. Many of these things are in my control. If I want to lose weight and choose to work hard to accomplish that goal, I WILL lose weight, plain and simple. If something terrible is going to happen, absolutely none of my worries will do one thing to fix it. So why waste that precious time?

I resolve here and now to just sit back and take a few deep breaths each day. Recognize the beauty in my surroundings. Count my blessings. And work out until I’m tired and exhausted, but also TRIUMPHANT. There is nothing like the feeling of pride after an awesome workout and the feeling that you can do anything.

I need a little more of that in my life, and I am willing to work for it.

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About Kristen K

My life has always been pretty darn fantastic--except for one thing: my weight. Not too long ago, I tipped the scale at 283 pounds. I'd gain some, lose some and gain some right back, and I was so frustrated. When I saw a notice for a Biggest Loser-style contest in my local paper, I applied on the spot and I felt like I won the lottery when I found out I was one of the five contestants chosen. We worked out four times a week with trainers and followed a clean eating diet, and my life completely transformed. I've lost more than 60 pounds and I'm feeling confidence for the first time in my life. I'm 29 years old with a great husband, a rewarding job, two adorable dogs and fantastic friends. Weight loss continues to be a struggle now that the contest has ended, but this time I know that I can do it and I'm fully committed. This blog has seved as an accountability tool as I journey from a happy, but fat, person to a happy and confident person. And for the first time in my life, I'm no longer putting it off until tomorrow. This time, I'm starting this minute.
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2 Responses to Don’t worry

  1. Rachel says:

    So my tummy got butterflies at the mention of my name in your post. Does that mean I’m famous now? Haha!
    Hope the post was somewhat helpful. I always enjoy reading yours 🙂

  2. Nota says:

    As a reformed “what-if’er” – what if this happens, what if that happens – I’ve found a lot of peace in just saying “Then I’ll deal with it. I’m an adult and I’ll figure out what to do when I need to do it.” whenever the ‘what if’s’ start winning. My husband asked me once “how often do all the things you’ve worried about actually happened?” Me: Not so often. Him: Then statistically you’re just wasting time over nothing. Don’t treat a concern like it’s a prediction.

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